How You Remind Me
by The Lori C
Summary: The special bond between the guys and their older friend Debi Sierra grows even more when she is faced with one of the biggest challenges of her life—a health crisis she never thought that would happen to her. This story is based on actual events.
1. Notes

**NOTES:**

The special bond between the guys and their older friend Debi Sierra grows even more when she is faced with one of the biggest challenges of her life—a health crisis she never thought that would happen to her.

This story is based on actual events.

_Though colorectal cancer is more common to those over 50, there have been cases of the illness in those of younger ages, though occurring less often. It is the fourth leading cause of death in males and the third leading cause in women. _

_When caught in the very early stages, the malignancies can be removed the same day as the procedure known as a colonoscopy is done. In many cases, however, polyps are not usually cancerous._

_It is important to receive the proper medical tests on the first signs and symptoms of this disease; the sooner it is caught, the greater success of a complete cure._

_Symptoms include (but all may not always be present):_

_A change in your bowel habits, including diarrhea or constipation or a change in the consistency of your stool for more than a couple of weeks _

_Rectal bleeding or blood in your stool _

_Persistent abdominal discomfort, such as cramps, gas or pain _

_Abdominal pain with a bowel movement _

_A feeling that your bowel doesn't empty completely _

_Weakness or fatigue _

_Unexplained weight loss _

_If you notice any symptoms of the above, see your doctor as soon as possible. If you're at high risk (such as family history of cancer or over age 50), don't wait until symptoms appear. See your doctor for regular screenings. I'm certainly glad I did, or the outcome may have been a lot worse._


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_Debi:_

I can't really remember the exact date when Paul first contacted me online. I know it was sometime after my birthday, but that is the closest I will be able to estimate.

Evidently, from what one of his friends would reveal later, she'd shown him the website I had made last summer and kept up with on a regular basis. It wasn't always an easy job to do, especially when other projects would take priority (including my paid gigs), but I had considered it a labor of love long _before_ I knew any of them had been lurking around.

I had met Paul three years earlier when he'd come to my town for a show. I won't bore you all with the details, but long story short, it was both a pleasant and memorable experience. But what I hadn't counted on was him coming back into my life three years later.

You kind of meet these types of people once, get a picture and autograph, and get on with the rest of your life. No one ever counted on these kinds of people becoming your friends; otherwise, that's just thinking unrealistically.

I do remember how the initial contact started. I'd seen a site listed on his Wikipedia page and clicked on the link. At the time, I didn't have an account on the listed site, and his page was private, so I signed up for my own. Once I had, I added him.

Oddly enough, he'd remembered who I was and gave me his instant messenger screen name. From there, it was history.

Not that it was always perfect; not in the least. We've had our share of disagreements like most people do. There had been times he'd annoyed the shit out of me, and vice versa. There's been things that had put my own teeth on edge, though I didn't say it out loud.

Even with my big mouth (or "hot keyboard", as it were), even I knew when not to say a word.

The thing is, even if I can be quite verbal, there's times I have kept quiet because I either didn't want to worry or offend anyone. I'd found other outlets to do that in the process, but they didn't always work.

But in that department, I'm getting better, or at least working on doing so.

I will say this up front: he isn't perfect. He's a true human being like the rest of us, not the guy we see on our TV screens; not by a long shot. I think that bothers me more when people think otherwise than some of the stuff we'd done to piss each other off, but I suppose some people will just think what they want instead of facing actual facts and trying to get to know the real person, just as I had.

For that, I feel very lucky, especially in the time that I would perhaps face one of the toughest times of my life, when I would know for sure who my true friends were.

_Paul:_

I met Debi back in 2005. Sure, in my career, I meet thousands of people a day, both male and female. But the one thing about Deb was that she was a rarity; she wasn't one of these chicks that had fawned all over me, how she was the biggest fan or how she loved me.

No, she appeared at the time to have a bit more class than that. She had just sat back and rolled with it, acting like I was just another person at the next table. Polite as hell and smiled a lot.

So when she signed up at my page, I couldn't believe it. Not that I didn't remember her; my friend Janey had shown me Debi's writing site months before, but I'd mostly lurked.

But when we started talking again, I had thought that for once, I found a girl who's classy, curvy, naturally nice and sweet.

Even with this in mind, Debi _does_ have her liabilities; the biggest one being that sometimes she won't just get it out right away when something's bugging her. I've been around enough women to know when one is either being distant or downright pissed.

No, a considerable amount of times, I had to hear (or read) about it the next day in one form or another.

Maybe it was just Deb's way of expressing herself, but it does get to me and I have to remind her now and again that dealing directly with it at the moment is the better way to go. Besides, I don't think I'm going to bite her; at least not yet. Ha ha.

And I'd wish she'd get the hell off the age thing. Damn, I may look at things under 25, but it's the older chicks that seem to have more going for them. I could list them, but I think most people have a general idea of that already, especially those who already have older friends.

Deb's never really said it out loud; maybe it's her way of being tolerant and attempting to keep an open mind (which is more than I can say for a lot of girls), but I can't help but wonder if she feels out of place with people my own age or even a bit younger. Either she doesn't talk a lot around them or just goes off and does her own thing.

Truth be told, a lot of the younger crowd tend to be idiots who focus on superficial things; at least when I want to have a meaningful, intelligent conversation, I can go to Deb. I hope she can at least get that part, if nothing else.

But I'm sure she's working on that, and to be honest, I would like to think her good qualities outweigh her drawbacks. The lady is smart, she's talented, she actually _listens_ when I decide to go on a rant. And _currrrrrrrrves. _Yes, that part is definitely true, whether or not Deb still thinks I'm full of shit in that department.

People like Debi aren't easy to find, and I feel very lucky that I did.

But soon, she would be faced with a challenge, and to be a true friend, I'd have to step up to the plate. She may not have thought so at first, but I was going to be there for her.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Debi-two months later:_

Paul and I had been chatting for awhile now; sure, we'd had our moments when we had locked horns now and again, but what freinship doesn't have those? A day or two later, we were usually back to friendly chats anyway.

Now I will be the first to tell you that I can take things the wrong way, and have days when I am just totally crabby to the point I will bite the head off of the first person in sight (or in this case, online); unfortunately in some cases, poor Paul was a target more than once.

Still, he came back. I say anyone that can put up with me during those periods is one fine person indeed.

Want to argue that fact? Bring it on.

And there were times I had felt uncomfortable around younger people—I still do at times, but it isn't as intense as it used to be—and yes, I had more than my share of moments when I would be jealous. Many, _many_ times, in fact.

Looking back, I realize now that it had been my old insecurities talking; even with my best talents, there's always going to be someone younger, prettier and better at something than I am (or maybe not; hey, there's things I've beaten youngsters at), and there have been times that I have doubted my abilities as a writer, as a woman, and an overall human being.

But what would come up next would be the ultimate test for both me and those around me.

_Paul:_

You know, Debi is a kickass chick; no lie. But there's times she had either flown off the handle or I'd gotten the silent treatment for the most petty stuff. Then she takes a lot of shit personally.

When a girl says "nothing is wrong," I tend to take that as NOTHING IS WRONG. Needless to say, someone usually ends up freaking out a few moments later.

In a conference with some other people about a week or two ago, Deb was being moody again. I don't know what it was or what the hell I did (or didn't do) that time, so I figured I had better get up the balls to ask.

She said it was "personal issues," whatever that meant; later, Debi had gone batshit crazy in a blog early the next morning about getting some news that day before about possible cancer, but hadn't wanted to blurt it out to anyone in the room because she hadn't wanted anyone to worry, "not that anyone gave two shits anyway" or something to that effect.

Needless to say, Spank and I were pretty hurt about that whole thing, because Deb should have known by now we'd been there for her if she'd only brought it out right then.

Okay, maybe I should have paid closer attention then instead of just blowing it off; looking back, I could see why she was pissed. I think if the tables had been turned, I would have probably been upset too, but once we'd cleared it up the next day, Deb seemed to go away feeling a little more reassured and optimistic, just like the chick I'd gotten to know a couple of months earlier.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Debi:_

I went for my colonoscopy this week; the second one I've had within two weeks, since the first one had raised so many concerns. I was nervous and a bit stressed for the days that followed afterwards, though I did my best to put on a brave front.

In the interim, there had been both drama queens wanting to raise a stink about one thing or another if not people having found a way to push both my and Paul's buttons this week. Then there were others who had tried to do the same, but failing.

I made a decision during this time that if the biopsy and the polyps came back positive for being malignant, I was going to live out the days I had left the best I possibly could without making anyone else miserable again.

If anything, I wanted to find a way to make others happy during the short time I had left on this earth.

I wasn't going to make other people suffer because I was. Though I knew support would be there, this would have to be something I needed to deal with both alone and on my own terms.

It isn't like I haven't had to deal with things on my own before; this wouldn't be much different.

Some serious soul searching was needed, and if I was going to live a life of quality in my last days, I had to make some changes, and very soon. The question was where to start.

_Paul:_

It was a bitch of a week so far, but then one day, I came to a decision. And I blogged about what I had in mind from this day forward.

As of today, I'm not taking people's bullshit. I'm getting over my clingy ways, getting over my jealous ways, letting go of my insecurities because I know I'm never going to go very far in life if I don't.

I stopped, looked at my flaws, thought about everything BK said and decided today's the day I'm going to do something about it.

And the anger thing: I need to work on it..._bad._

Maybe I'll never find a decent woman, big deal. I don't need a girl in my life to feel complete. I guess women just can't handle a guy who doesn't treat her like shit, and doesn't cheat, and doesn't go out and party, and would prefer to stay inside and watch movies into the early hours and likes to take care of her, and make her feel like a goddess. I guess women just can't handle The Londonator, and as of today, that's fine with me.

As of today, I'm a new man, fine with just being me.

I also noticed something today, some kind of change in Debi. I don't know what it was exactly, but she seemed more, I don't know….._calm._

Little did I know at the time despite her coming across as being optimistic on the surface, Debi seemed to be accepting that maybe, pending some kind of miracle, she didn't have much time left, that maybe things were caught too late, and she wanted to make her final days good ones for both herself and those around her.

But if that had been the case, there was no way in hell I was going to let her suffer alone, no matter what she wanted otherwise.

What really stood out this day, though, was the checklist she'd posted. Like me, Debi planned on making some changes as well. She would tell me later that my own blog post had inspired her to really sit down and think about things, and then target what she needed to work on.

Imagine that. _Me, _inspiring someone to change their own life. Unbelievable.

So you could almost imagine my elation when Deb also posted late Friday afternoon about the test results about the biopsy and new growths being negative as well as the previous growths that _had_ been cancer possibly being caught and removed in time.

"Just more motivation to make myself an even better person," she told me.

So I guess we'll be doing some changing together after all!


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_Debi-The Checklist:_

_A certain man's MySpace blog (and you know who you are, kickass dude) about becoming a new person inspired me today, and while I was out on the river trail walking after getting my hair cut, I also felt it was high time to make some changes and become a better person on my own._

So with that in mind, here is a checklist:

**1. Stop taking shit others say so personally**

This has to be the worst habit I have, so naturally, I put it as the most important thing to face first. I got to learn not all stuff is either aimed at me or meant to outright insult me. This is just an old issue of mine from my past, and yeah, when I get like this again? You are all welcome to point it out. Actually, I would be one happy woman if you DID.

**2. Not let other people's stupid shit and ramblings get to me.**

All this does is piss me off, make me take it out on the wrong people, and we all know that is not healthy. So from now on, it's "well, whatever" and move the hell on.

**3. No more drawing conclusions/making assumptions**

All that does is piss other people off. Better to wait for a solid answer.

**4. If it's pissing me off, GET IT OUT RIGHT THEN!**

Somebody seriously needs to whack me upside the head a dozen more times on this issue. Of course, I HAVE done that a few times, but always felt guilty afterwards, because I thought people would be offended. Well, time to change that….better to talk it out than to take it out in other outlets. Sometimes it can be productive; most times it doesn't work.

And if I need to rant and can't get it out right then? Well, the private function on MySpace blogs could become my best friend. :D

**5. Love who and what I am.**

Even with losing all that weight (and plenty more to go yet, but I am working on that), along with my current health situation, I try to keep a positive spin on things, yet there have been times that I have doubted my abilities as a writer, as a woman, and an overall human being. Perhaps I need a push once in awhile to remember all my good qualities; I figure I must have some, because I wouldn't have such cool friends if I didn't. grinz

Sooo…no more hating on myself. NOT cool. Hell, even with my best talents, there's always going to be someone younger, prettier and better at something than I am (or maybe not; hey, there's things I've beaten youngsters at), so I better buck up and deal. :D

**6. And finally…..quit being so damn crabby!**

A crabby missy is not a good missy to be around. I figure if I am eventually going to earn wrinkles, why not do it by SMILING a bit more? And I've been told I have a kickass smile anyway.

Stand back, there's changes coming through!

These were the things that came foremost to my mind during my soul searching; if my last days were going to be those of quality, there was no better time like the present to start making some changes to myself.

Then on Friday afternoon, my phone rang; by now, I was ready to accept the inevitable.

What I hadn't expected was the news I _had_ gotten; the biopsy and the new polyps had come back negative.

What was even better was that though the previous growths had been malignant, they were so small and hadn't gone to the base, the chances were "excellent" that it had been caught in time and removed. Very likely I wouldn't need any further treatment, but I had one more doctor's appointment to go just to make sure. However, I plan to stay positive.

It was almost as if I had gotten a second chance on life; a much better reason to put my checklist to use. As Paul stated, we can make our changes together, and what better reasons for me to push forward as a new woman?


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Debi—Sunday Night:_

You know, sometimes, I can't figure people out. I mean, for crying out loud, if I am so freaking boring, why don't people say so?

I actually was in a pretty good mood all weekend, especially after my test results were in and I now had the reassurance that everything was going to be all right after all. One less thing to worry about.

I had also been able to catch up on a lot of work, along with getting some writing done and chatting with Paul between all of that. I finally had my energy back, and I was loving it.

Anyway, something this afternoon did put me off a little, but I decided to go along with it because for one, I vowed not to cause any trouble, and second, I didn't want to spoil my own mood.

But to be brutally honest, I always had the impression if one came online to talk to someone, you talked to THEM. I mean, come on, what supposedly grown man would 'trade places for a day' with someone that is practically a kid?

("_What? I'm bored and switching lives with a __**thirteen year old girl**__." _Yep, I guess I _am_ an incessant bore. What a way to be told, eh?)

Though it probably was very likely an innocent thing, personally, I found it a bit creepy, especially when dude did the profile name change thing.

Again, it probably was an innocent thing _("I'll have it down by the end of the day, I promise," _I was told. Guess what? It isn't down yet.), but it had creeped me out enough to temporarily remove the link from the main page of my own profile.

Especially when the other person gets details on a comment page, but I can't even get as much as a "see you later" before being all but blown off after a chat.

I figured if I was going to be taken seriously in my profession and as a person, the last thing I needed was some site visitors seeing something like that and thinking _**I'm **_some kind of freak.

Tonight, I may retire to bed a bit early; I think all this energy and excitement from this past weekend finally caught up with me!

I still have a couple of things I have to do yet (like chat to my friend Bobby for a bit, since he's working twelve hours tomorrow) and there is a great show on TV I want to see. After that, it will be dreamland for me before I get up early tomorrow to work out and get on with my week.


	7. Chapter 6

-1**Chapter 6**

_Debi--Monday:_

What the hell is wrong with me? I felt like such a jackass this morning, outside of both me starting my period (ugh) and possibly getting a cold.

You know, I focused on working toward changing something of mine, and what did I do? Totally screw it up. I really should learn to think before speaking more often. I thought with the cancer scare thing being past, things would be okay for awhile, but on my part, I guess not.

The thing is, it was over something so petty; I tend to overreact and read into things more than they actually are. That's another one of my issues— there are no shades of gray; it's always been either black or white with me. Whereas that can be a good thing in the professional sense, sometimes in personal life, it isn't a very good trait.

I also seriously need to work on my anger and jealousy issues—**BAD**. Honestly, if one thinks about it, what do I have to be jealous about?

Though there isn't really anything I can do about my age (and who can, really?), I really thought today about all the good things I do have going for me. I have to have _something_ going for me to have someone so decent care about me and put up with the shit he has for how many months, right?

I mean, look at me! Losing all that weight, despite not looking like a _Playboy_ bunny, was no minor accomplishment; as of today, I'm going to stop listening to the inner voice that says "ugly," and hear the new one instead: "You are a work in progress, and you are okay!"

And damn, having an IQ of 129 (at least on the last professional test I had), plus being told over and over by total strangers aren't exactly things to sneeze at either.

If I am going to live a life of quality and be around anyone of quality, it is best that **I** address my flaws and work harder on changing them. I'm also going to focus on my good qualities and keep reminding myself of them, and I hope those around me do that too as well as call me on my stuff.

Isn't that what true friends are for?

_Paul:_

Sometimes, I have a hard time wondering what goes on in Debi's head; I mean, for one, how about she starts telling **ME** shit instead of running to her writing pad and talking shit there? God damn; this woman is so hard to figure out sometimes. One minute, things seem okay, and the next thing I know, she's being a total bitch about something but rarely says what it is outright.

I don't know if it was the last chapter Deb had written, or moving me to the bottom of every friend's list on every page she has, or taking the tag line of her pages off everything, but somewhere along the line, I got offended.

But just a bit ago, she apologized for what she called herself "being a jerk."

Between that and working some things out with Midget, this is officially the best day ever. The one thing that would make it totally complete would be if we had a match tonight, so I can't wait to get the card and I'm crossing my fingers.

Deb says she's crossing her toes too! I don't think I've ever tried crossing my toes; maybe she can teach me something new, kind of like she did about how bread lasted longer when put in the refrigerator.

Sure, she can be a total bitch at times, but then there's others where I couldn't have a better friend outside of those I work with. Someone really needs to remind Deb how awesome she really is.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_Paul:_

I know the question has been raised dozens of times; people wonder about the thing of me being interested in Debi, but at the same time make up stupid shit about me liking 14 year old (or whatever age under 18) girls; it seemed that it was perfectly some other girls' chances to befriend Deb and then tell her I've been saying shit about her in their efforts to try and separate me from her because I get along with Deb better than I do with some others.

I can see now why she thinks guys have "an agenda" (as she likes to put it), but at the same time, Debi has to learn not all men are pigs or assholes that can't be trusted _at all_.

Sure, I can be a dick at times, and maybe do stuff that pisses her off unknowingly (as well as unintentionally), but at least now it looks like she's making an effort to have a more open mind and seeing things in the shades of gray instead of black and white.

To be honest, I hate when people see me as some kind of sick perv that chases teenage girls or automatically screwing every chick I flirt with; hell, I've even been accused by some of Deb's so called "well meaning" friends of using her, "until something better comes along." feeding her lines "like most sleazy men did," or some kind of shit.

A few times, she had actually _believed_ it until she found out different. Besides, I can say with confidence that if I was using the woman, we wouldn't have gotten as close as we have over the last several months and shared personal stuff no one else knows about.

I have to wonder sometimes that perhaps Deb had been let down so much during her life, she just kind of lumped everything and everyone together in one category, and the pissy side of her is some kind of defense mechanism against 'no way is anyone going to hurt me _again.'_

Yeah, she's a pretty hard lady to figure out.

I think even she's had unspoken questions now and again, but never really let on about them. Hopefully now that can be put in the past and she can move forward.

Overall, outside of her pissy moments, Debi is one kickass chick to talk to and it's also nice to have a mature person to discuss serious shit with. Not that I don't like goofing off and discussing lighter fare with some other people, but even I need a break with an intelligent mind now and then.

Deb's fit that bill nicely, not to mention she's kept up with a lot of things (check this out; we have a lot of the same tastes. Imagine that!), which is more than I can say for a lot of chicks her age. She's not a fogy, but I think it does chap her ass now and again when a few of us go off on our own things.

I'm going to get through to her completely yet, even if it takes the rest of my own life. She isn't the only one that likes a challenge.

_Debi:_

I am so freaking proud of myself right now.

Let me tell you what happened earlier; one of the people on my page sent a comment about the thing that pissed me off last night. I'm not sure what the idea behind that was, but if it were last night, some man most likely wouldn't have been spoken to again.

But today? I have a whole new perspective. Hey, shit happens, you know?

So this is what I commented back to their page:

_Meh. It doesn't concern me really._

And honestly? It doesn't. Not anymore.

I have a lot of good qualities of my own to offer the world; why dumb myself down and/or slut myself up to try and fit in with the rest of the cookie cutter world? Sure, I'm showing off my own 'assets' of sorts at the moment (because damn it, I worked pretty hard to get them!), but I also have a _**brain and talent **_to offer behind them.

And hey, for good ol' PL to hang around me this long, I have to have something that is totally redeeming. Am I right?

Even before the cancer scare, he was there. During the scare, he was there. And he's there now. That says a hell of a lot. What other people say doesn't matter; as far as I am concerned, the rest is sour grapes.

Peace out, friends.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_Debi:_

I got the all clear today—I am indeed cancer free!

You know, it's scares like this that want to make one think and really look at life a little closer.

For example, just like yesterday afternoon; I'd copped an attitude about the same petty stuff that I'd had in the past. And you know what? because it's always good to know who your real friends are, in times like that.

See, I tend to jump to conclusions a great deal, but yesterday, I learned something about myself. It's typical for all ladies to get insecure like that, just like guys. Hey, sometimes they feel that way when their female friends talk to some guy that's hotter, smarter, richer, whatnot.

But the bottom line is, contrary to popular belief of some of my "well meaning" friends (and I also suspected in error for a long time), I am NOT being used. I may still question it at times, but now that it's out there in black and white, I am much more reassured these days.

And once Paul had made it clear what was really going on with the thing that had initially pissed me off, I couldn't help but start laughing to the point that my sides hurt; the whole thing was actually quite amusing. Sometimes, it takes something just like that to bring out the best in people. Thanks again, amigo.

Hell, I must be doing _something_ right to have someone like this bother with me to begin with. I may not have a hoity-toity, four year degree or am some traditional model, but yes, I AM worth something. It's good to have someone remind me of that.

I may not always like it, but hey, a push in the right direction with a little tough love thrown in is better than nothing at all, especially when I have so much to live for.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_Paul:_

Honest to Christ, I don't know what's come over Debi lately, but whatever the hell it is, _**I like it!**_

It's like she's a lot more cheerful; there's rarely any moodiness at all anymore. Laughs a lot more at stuff. Maybe she's finally getting more comfortable or perhaps she's actually convinced that I'm considerably more trustworthy than most of the clowns she's likely encountered in her lifetime.

Just yesterday, when she had to go to a meeting (which appeared she wasn't exactly thrilled about going, but like me, she has obligations to honor), Deb teased me about not pissing off any more teenyboppers, and then started laughing. She had _never_ done that before.

Not that I am going to criticize. No freaking way.

If anything, I'm going to give her props for at least making an effort to see things for what they really are instead of drawing conclusions off the bad. Besides, I'm beginning to think we're pretty good for each other's souls at one time or another.

And the health thing she's been working on for what I think has been a little over a year; Debi's always joking about how stuff goes straight to her ass, but hey, in my book, that's always a good thing for women.

Now, if _something else _of hers starts shrinking, I'm going to have some problems with that. Deb's made it clear that she's been lucky in _that _department so far, though.

And she likes my blogs; Deb says they make her step back and think. Maybe except for a rare few, she's always left a comment. I may also get a gentle ribbing from her about the spelling thing now and again ("And you're the one that went to college!" she always reminds me), but I didn't exactly study English back then. Heh.

Now if she'd quit ribbing me about the spider thing, all could be perfect. But, there's no use trying to change everything at once, so I may as well let her have her fun too.

_Debi:_

Paul has been totally cracking me up the last several days. I can't put my finger on exactly what is going on lately, but I'm certainly not going to complain.

To be brutally honest, I am beginning to think this is the closest we've been yet. I could be wrong, but for now, I choose to believe it unless I hear it straight from him otherwise.

For reasons unknown, I am convinced now that this man certainly does care for me; he didn't have to say the words, but the actions of both past and present have spoken some very loud volumes. I've never picked up a vibe like that about any man before, and I will admit that it is a great feeling to know that in a sense, I am right.

And trust? YES. By God, miracles do happen; Debi Sierra actually _trusts_ someone!

Bet you all never saw that one coming; but people that have been burned in life as many times as I had been over the years, well, it takes a lot of effort to break the walls of distrust down, but once they do come down, those who succeed could be the luckiest people in the world.

Congratulations, Paul, you are the one of the rare few who succeeded.

And I am also trying not to bring up other guys; I know how I feel when other girls are brought up (though I have been better at keeping my mouth shut lately), so I feel it's best not to mention guys—unless it's a room full of just women, and only then will I make an exception. It's just courtesy on my part, that's all.

It's all part of the plan of changing both my outside and inside; otherwise, as I remind myself on a daily basis, what good is the shell without the inner contents?

Pretty isn't everything, and lucky for me, I have a lot of substance to back up my own special brand of pretty. Call me wrong, but I think some man is appreciating that too, though he hasn't really said it.

Never mind; he doesn't have to. I'm just that damn good at figuring that one out on my own.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_Debi:_

Just when I think things were good, PL had to come off as being a total dickhead AGAIN. Thank goodness I had some work to do anyway, or God knows what stupid thing I would have ended up saying or doing. At least I'm still getting _that_ part in check so far.

Anyway, we're in conference and all and things were fine; we're all joking around as always. Well, wouldn't you know–surprise, surprise–once something better came into the room, it was almost as Debi no longer existed. Everything from that point that I said was either ignored or shot down. Back to being bench warmer.

Then the breaking point for me came during his whole "my this" and "my that" to someone else in the room.

So when I started joking around with "And your Missy," this was the lovely response I got:

_Mhm._

Wow, why not just say I'm just another one of those stupid girls instead? Guess I'm not so special after all.

And people wonder why I don't talk much? This is how I _always _get treated. Why even bother having me in the room at all, then bitch when I leave to do other things? I mean, it isn't rocket science to see I'm not wanted there in the first place.

I don't care what anyone says or thinks, etiher; stuff like this totally pisses me off. Don't treat me one way one minute, then turn around and act like I don't even exist the next.

So what is the fucking point of me being around anyway?


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_Debi:_

You know, I really needed pulled back from how I felt earlier; it was just me listening to my old demons again. It's always good to have such a fine guy give you a virtual kick in the head now and again, even when some of your own friends think he's a total jackass.

I need that reminder at least once a day.

A little while ago, I just felt sad and burst into tears. I really had no reason why; it just happened. Maybe I just needed a good cry, who knows?

Well, wouldn't you know it would be good old Paul to the rescue to say something goofy to make me break out laughing.

And yes, he is so the bomb. I may get pissed off at him for the most stupid (and who knows, sometimes not so stupid) things sometimes, but it always works out in the end.

Even if he is a guy, and it's a fact most of them think with one thing, and it isn't the organ between their ears, he isn't all _that _bad. And what the hell; everyone has their faults, so I'll deal with them.

On top of these good things, I think this stupid cold of mine is FINALLY breaking up; hopefully I can be totally back to myself by the weekend. All in all, it's been a pretty good week, especially getting the final confirmation that I was cancer free.

_Paul:_

Debi and I had a disagreement earlier, but as always, things worked out; it was all pretty much a misunderstanding anyway.

Since, though, she'd been considerably chattier all evening than she normally is. I guess maybe discussing things that were actually in Deb's element might have had something to do with it, who knows?

She was feeling kind of sad earlier, but all it took was some innocent remark and the next thing I had known, Deb was laughing her ass off again. I could even excuse the whole thing about her ribbing me about spiders again; it was just good to see her happy and talking.

I think too, that even with the cancer scare technically over, the whole experience still exists somewhere in the back of Debi's mind. Perhaps she is thinking that though she may have caught a lucky break this time, there is that small chance it could happen again.

I certainly hope that will never be the case. I really care a lot about Deb and when she isn't in one of her snits, she's actually more fun of a person than she gives herself credit for. Sometimes, she needs reminded of that fact.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_Debi:_

I'm finally over that blasted cold! Yesterday, I felt horrible. I woke up around six thirty in the morning coughing my full head off and then felt a little feverish and nauseated all day.

I had a little scare with some blood in my stool too (TMI, I know, but it made me nervous), but it wasn't a whole lot. By last night, though, I was starting to get much better and am finally back to my normal self today. And so far, I haven't seen any more blood. Thank goodness for small miracles.

In other things, I don't even know why I bother with those silly chat conferences, though. They have gotten so boring lately (or maybe it is just me, I don't know) and the last one….to be honest, I didn't really know how to take that one.

I don't want to take it personally and want to give the benefit of the doubt that it was just the excitement of the moment and perhaps an oversight that wasn't intentional, but given what some of my other friends have been discussing with me (and each other) lately, I'm not so sure.

Still, I will at least try to keep an open mind.

But here is the latest situation: there was not only the issue of me not even being introduced to a new person who had come into the room that was a friend of his, but also it was like I didn't exist after that. Yes, I know I could jump in with something at any time, but when I do, I may as well have not said anything at all. So honestly, why bother?

Lucky for me, another friend came online last night; Brad wasn't on very long, but we had a great time. We talked about _everything! _He's investing in art now along with his real estate and other investments, took a keen interest in the book I am reading (which I recommended he pick up), his latest property, and even my opinions on current events. Yes, a conversation that centered around mature things instead of a bunch of high school level stuff!

It was a bit of a shame Brad and I couldn't chat longer since he had to be at work this morning. We might be checking out a museum on Friday after my appointment and then go to lunch at this posh bistro downtown that he's been meaning to check out. It sounds like a terrific plan; I'm more interested in the museum than lunch, but it sounds more fun than sitting at home, especially now that spring is here.

On the upswing of things, being sick last week had a splendid side effect—I lost five pounds! Now I know that isn't the proper way to do it, but I had been on a major plateau for the last couple of weeks; I guess between the stress of the cancer scare and other things, I'd been grazing more than actual meals. But now that is going to change or the whole purpose of my stomach being banded will be defeated. I sure do not want that; I've come too far!


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_Paul:_

Debi's been pretty chatty lately; I think some of it may be stemming from both the two of us communicating a little more and her possibly getting a good job offer that is in line with doing what she loves.

In my perspective, after what she had been through the last month or so, Deb deserves a little happiness. I hope this all works out for her.

She still gets a bit snippy at times when she feels ignored or whatever, but we talked about that and Deb seems to have more of an understanding and open mind about it now that she knows it isn't deliberate.

There's only one thing now; when we were chatting with Brian last night, he kind of let it slip about…well, some fantasies of mine.

Well, I don't have to elaborate about how he and Debi razzed the hell out of me about it, but I really shouldn't worry, being she and Brian are two of the least judgmental people in the world, and unless I say it's okay, Deb is good for keeping certain secrets.

To a lesser person, they would probably see me as a freak, but I guess when it came to, well, "adult matters," Debi seems to be pretty open minded about that too.

"I just **LOOK** innocent; nobody ever claimed I **WAS**!" Debi told me once.

Still, maybe I should ask one of these days what _hers_ are…..

_Debi:_

I don't know what Paul is hung up about with this fantasy thing; it isn't like human beings don't have them at one time or another.

He's worried about coming off as some kind of "perv," as he likes to call it. But honestly, does he think I am some kind of innocent? Hell, this could be _fun._

Trust me, I have been on this green earth long enough that very little shocks me anymore; I've had boyfriends and one night stands that did stuff out of the ordinary.

And yes, I've seen Paul nude a few months back; Brian was being a smartass and showed me that camera phone pic too. Hey, it isn't like I haven't seen naked men before; in addition to the previous men I'd had, I also subscribed to _Playgirl_ at one point. Ha ha!!

In addition, I have a few fantasies of my own, though I don't share them with many people. Maybe one day I will; we shall see.


	15. CONCLUSION

**Chapter 14**

_Debi:_

As time had gone on, I had gotten more comfortable with the guys, and along the way, I had made some other friends as well.

Sure, there are going to be disagreements and debates, but isn't that part of any good, solid friendship? I've not only learned something about them, but a lot more about myself in the process of it all.

I also learned to embrace and appreciate life after my brush with colon cancer, and encourage all, no matter how old they are and what state of general health they currently have, if anything is amiss, to have it checked as soon as possible. I consider myself very lucky that I had done just that; otherwise, I don't even want to think about what outcome I would have had, if any at all.

Paul and I share a closeness now that is not the easiest to describe, but it works. He is still trying to understand women as much as I am still trying to figure out men. We know most of each other's thoughts and fantasies now, some of them not meant to be shared with the world.

To think this time last year, I had only admired these men from afar; up until several months ago, I doubt they even knew I existed. I don't feel like anyone special, but I will say it's been a pleasure and an honor to share each other's lives….and remind ourselves of who and what we are.

_Never made it as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'  
Tired of livin' like a blind man  
I'm sick inside without a sense of feelin  
And this is how you remind me  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
For handing you a heart worth breakin'  
I've been wrong, I've been down  
To the bottom of every bottle  
Despite words in my head  
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"  
Yet?, Yet?, Yet?, no no_

It's not like you didn't know that  
I said I love you and I swear I still do  
It must have been so bad  
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
For handing you a heart worth breakin'  
I've been wrong, I've been down  
To the bottom of every bottle  
Despite words in my head  
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"  
Yet?, Yet?, Yet?, no no

Never made is as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing  
And this is how you remind me  
This is how you remind me

This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
This is how you remind me  
Of what I really am  
It's not like you to say sorry  
I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken  
For handing you a heart worth breakin'  
I've been wrong, I've been down  
To the bottom of every bottle  
Despite words in my head  
Scream "Are we having fun yet?"  
Yet?, Yet?, Yet?, no no 

_--_

"_How You Remind Me" _lyrics by Nickleback, 2002.


End file.
